Well I still remember the time when I entered my first school. Being a rebel at home with no rules,I was actually entering a world of one. More than anything else, I knew there were going to be strangers and I was going to be alone. No one to hide behind when someone bends to look at me. Noone to open up my arms to when a person comes close. I would be there alone. I was thinking that time. What is mommy thinking? Why is she doing so? She cried too.i remember. If she was unhappy, why did she do it, because i was not happy either. I enter the school and after the first 5 steps I realised I was dead alone. I turned back. I didn’t turn back to look, I turned back to run. I wanted to do so. But maa wasn’t there.i could see other moms.i couldn’t see mine. I felt lost. Lost in heart. Will I never see her again. What if I wouldn’t be able to come back. Maybe I can run back home alone. But I wasn’t sure about the way.i turned towards the school andnd continued walking.
15 years later now, it’s normal to wake up alone in bed. Not turning back to find anyone. Crying alone. Laughing alone. Normal to hear the ringtone in place of mom’s shout. But I regret today. I regret of not trying to run back that day to home. I know my mom was near somewhere. Looking at me. If I would have ran back she would have held me. Because I know she’ll be there for me even when j can’t see her
Hi. I am sorry if the title seem technological.i assure the content wouldn’t. It will be relatable if you try to focus on yourself.
Sometimes when I am sitting with a group of people with whom I should be happy with,a little me inside me pokes me in my head and asks….seriously? Why don’t we run from here and go to”your”world. I shut her down. Nope. That’s not a right place. I’ll deal with you later… And she just goes back in my head.
I have realised with time. She’s honest. She’s realistic. I honestly find no happiness of my own in which people of my age do. Is it my fault? Or is it hers? I like to blame on her. It’s sad. But as she says. You can’t do any thing else.
She asks evrytime I check out a guy. Oh really? I reply no (chuckle). You know I am not a stable kind of person. I say to her. Oh no. That’s what she says. You don’t like anyone except you. You are critical and like to focus only on yourself. You are too self centered to pay attention to others. But you try to be social. But trust me you can’t.
Yeah. I agree to her. But fighting with everyone for telling them how I am is so ridiculous. I don’t want to something and people should get it. But yeah she says do you like around people. I answer no.
She is a darling. She keeps on reminding who I am. But I am too lazy to understand. I hope I listen to her someday. I’ll be happy that day I know.😊😊
P.s.i am highly irregular in writing. If you made till so far thank-you so much. And I’ll try to be regular. Thanks